I may have miscalculated

I don't know if this post has a point.. but if it did I think it would be a positive one so it's worth randomness that often comes with the clarity of springtime.

So maybe last week wasn't the pretty pretty new beginning that I was hoping for but that's okay because today is and I think that it's all going to start looking up this week, hopefully, I mean I can't be completely sure but lets face it, it's time, I'm really done with all of this feeling like crap thing that's been going on for weeks, it's just a pain. But I'm pretty sure that things are going to start being great, it could be the weather... It's probably the weather... It's seriously beautiful out here. I'm actually outside in this wonderful atmosphere and it just makes everything perfect, I mean, even other peoples faces are just ten times more beautiful in this non- M***** F****** freezing F****** death trap of misery that was winter. I wish that was all just for comedy effect but seriously.. I'm so F****** sick of the cold.

But it's all good because It's relatively warm out here and I'm feeling great and that's all that matters. I even had the most average day, too and I had to take two Anatomy and Physiology tests but I just cannot be brought down in this sunny mood, It's amazing.

I'm so happy, I don'y even know what to write about right now, i just want to keep blabbing on about the weather because it's wonderful yet it's horrible how the weather has such a massive effect on one's well being. Literally, something beyond my control was making me feel crappy, it's frustrating but that's just life getting used to being completely without control in some aspect of the delicate balance that makes up our bodies. It sucks being out of control but I suppose it sucks more that something we can't fight can bring us down, especially for Geminis, we hate being brought back down to earth, hate anything that rains on our parade so we're used to ignoring negativity but unfortunately we can't fight something like the weather. If anyone is interested in that little nugget of information about Geminis, there you are :)

There has been a lot of times during the past few weeks that I have felt absolutely worthless and as if I could do better but over here on the other side of winter, I want to mention that I'm actually quite proud of myself and how I handled a rut, mostly because, although I didn't write as much as I should normally, I DID write no matter how hard and I kept up the belief that every new day was going to be a little bit better than the day before, most of the time I was wrong.. But that's not the point! The point is; even when nothing feels alright, just keep on telling yourself that the next day will be better. A rut is a temporary thing and therefore should yield temporary consequences (Not counting the character building that can come with a crappy time in life)

However, Thank the Goddess, Ororo Munroe for ... Well Ororo Munroe and all of those amazing fictional characters that are always there for us when we're in a pothole. Those incredible, made up human beings, aliens, angels and anything else that I'm not mentioning that make us smile and make us cry, most of the time... At the same time. But I believe that sobbing over a fictional character is the best way to feel and express pain so, honestly, what would people struggling to make it through do without the heroes in storybooks and movies?

Also, what the H*** would we do without the SHIPS? The SHips, oh those amazing gay goofballs characters that control our lives, we love you!!

Speaking of... Here's a bunch of Skimmons (Skye/Simmons/AoS) fanfictions that are absolutely wonderful and I'm feeling so good that I won't put any angst down, I'll just stick with the fluff :) Anyway, they're all short so they won't take to much time to read. NOTE: I did not write any of these and these characters don't belong to us but we love them like they were our own. Enjoy!

1. "Kissing It Better" So So So sweet and I have a personnel weakness for the kiss lists :)
2. "some schematics showing me your front to back and in between" Valentines day fic from Jemma's POV
3. "Be My Valentine?" This is precious. That is all. Excuse me while I go cry from cuteness precious...
4. "Terminology (Noun)" Basically, Jemma is adorable fanfic. Enjoy
5. "Anything For You" Okay... Teensy weensy bit of angst or at least some good hurt/comfort but mostly fluff!

And Yes... I used this GIF...

Allons-y Morning!!!

I like mornings, no, I LOVE mornings, they are seriously my favorite time of the day and I just want to give them some credit for being such an amazing part of life. Now, I know that not that many people agree with me, on the contrary, most people hate any time before 12 O' Clock but not all of us, in fact for some of us, mornings are the reason to keep going to bed. For me, I like to get up as early as possible in order to make the mornings a little bit longer, basically like night people will stay up late and then sleep in except I go to bed early and wake up early. It's worth it in my opinion because I just love that fresh time right after you've slept and you haven't dealt with life yet.

My vision tends to get blurred rather early, in other words, the afternoon is when I start to lose my interest in life, everything is more beautiful in the morning when the world hasn't begun to make noise or pollute. It's a fresh beginning and completely separate from the day before. I know this is a physical thing but I still have never been understand anyone who hates mornings, I have never understood when exactly their life starts, is it, like when the sun goes down? Even then, that's not really a start, I mean they've already had to deal with life. My time of day is completely neutral, I haven't been corrupted by life yet and I am in a state of complete bliss because I don't have to figure my current mood out until everyone else is awake, so from the time I get out of bed until someone else wakes up I'm just enjoying life at its most simple, no problems, no plans, and no voices, it's just me and my Mountain Dew and Whatever I want to do while nobody cares what I'm doing. 

 

One of the best things about mornings has nothing to with me and I often wonder if the rest of the people who are sleeping in know that they are literally missing the most beautiful time of day, man, especially in the spring and summer. It's that time of day when you can walk out your door into absolute perfect fresh air that is left over from darkness. Mornings are when the world outside is bright and cleaned from dew or just the lack of sunlight, it never gets old, and it's the best time of day to go outside right as the sun is coming up and write in a journal or draw or absolutely anything that you want to do in the perfect air. It's a lot like the air that surrounds you just as the sun has gone down except it's even less spent than that, It's rested just like your attitude, eyes, and mind.

Simon and I bicker about this probably a lot more than we should and this extreme difference has caused a lot of issues with communication and our plans because I'm always ready to go and do something around 8 or 9 in the morning but at that point she's probably sleeping and even if she does get up in time to do something before ten in the morning, it's a sure bet that she's going to be in a terrible mood until at least 11 which can make it hard because at that point I'm in the best mood of the day. On the other hand, she loves doing things after three O' clock in the afternoon and I'm up for it but by that time I'm already feeling my energy leaving me and chances are the later we're out the less I care about my demeanor or attitude because there comes a point in the afternoon where I just have stopped caring. We've gotten much better at planning around our opposite schedule but that doesn't mean our times don't still clash from time to time. 

So, there you have it, my little rant on mornings, It just seemed like such a perfect thing to talk about because it's afternoon now and I should have written this after I woke up because I cared more then than I do now, it can be irritating being a morning person but seeing how so many people struggle before 11, I am very thankful to be able to wake up at 4 in the morning ready to take on the world. 

Back

Hey, I'm back, finally, I have been absent from my life for quite a few days now and I'm now looking forward to getting back up and working on what needs to be done. Today will be a new little begining, THE new little begginning that I've been needing, I know this because, well, I don't but I did tell myself that last night after a truly incredible day with Simon. So that's what's up today, it's a new start, not a very big one but most in life aren't that big and that doesnn't make them unimportant, in fact, these little starts are the reason for living, at least in my opinion and I am always trying to convince people of this because I find it to be essential to surviving.

The past week or so, has been a constant struggle for me and for Simon, this isn't actually that uncommon since Simon and I are generally on the same page, in , like, everything. So basically both of us have been clawing and scratching our way through life lately but I am confident that the hard streak will start easing up, at least for now because that's how life works and that's what you have to remind yourself of when you think that you will never get out of a rainy time. You see, I havn't been writing and she hasn't been drawing, we've been doing a lot of sleeping actually and a lot of brooding, so we're out of pattern and out of step right now but tomorrows only going to get a little bit better, I am sure of it.

Wow, in keeping with the topic of being temporarily out of practice, my writing today is absolutly terrible! I'm having problems getting my rythims down and my words aren't coming very easily, part of that is because I havn't written for a while so my brain is choppy and unorganized and the other part is because the keybaord that I'm using is *%*%*()(&$%$%*** annoying!!!!

Mmkay, I'm back on my favorite computer with a non-sticking keyboard, I've had some lunch and now I'm going to finish this little update, if I can I'll post something else tonight but this is just a little start and also I've got lots of writing to get caught up on so hopefully I'll be busy tonight with that.

I'm looking forward to things being a little bit better than they have been lately :)

This is a song that Simon showed me and it is absolutly amazing and beautiful so I thought it might make up for a lack of text this afternoon.

A Very Trekie Post

"It is possible to make no mistakes and still lose, that is not a weakness, that is Life" --Captain Jean Luc Picard

 

I wanted to add that quote because over the past few days it has become terribly relevant and it became the quote that rang through my head when I was feeling horrible as I went to sleep this weekend, and I know that's this weekend and that was a long time ago but I havn't talked much this week and now I'm finally feeling that things are looking up and I wanted to mention just how helpful that quote was when I was going through a hard time. I saw just how true that statement is whenever I try my best to make the days good and I exercise, hydrate, eat properly and get plenty of fresh air and read and write and basically fill my days with everything that I need to in order to make it a sucessfull day however at the end of the day I still feel awful and as if I just want to give up; I didn't do anything wrong and I tried my best and I still lost the fight, Just as my captain said might happen and he was right, as usual, it's nothing to panic over. It happens to the best of us and it will continue to happen throughout the rest of our lives. Try to get some sleep you may still be in a hole the next morning, however, you will be more equiped to handle it, there's no reason to throw in the towel just yet, we've all lost the battles.

 

 Now to move on, I wont to emphasize the fact that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results (Or something Like that) So another option is to change your method, in the episode that Captain Picard said that Data lost in a game even though he made no mistakes. What did he do then? He simply changed his method, instead of trying to win, he made is goal to create a tie between his opponent and himself and it worked. It's always good to change things up a bit, change your method and see what effect it has on your life, or even better, change your goal, you might find this new goal to be more obtainable than the last one.

 

I am speaking theoretically, of course, but I do beleive that this is good advice, at least it's what I'm going to try to do in my life and hopefully it has a positive effect. If it does I am sure that I will mention it or at least my attitude will alter slightly. It's always worth a few experiments in order to improve ones quality of life. I usual go with the survival part of daily life and I have found that I am very talented at that now it's time for me to step out and find out my reaction to less survival and more mind numbing fear. I can only hope for the best and keep a safe place close. I hope that anybody reading this might try this too and see how they to fare in such a dangerious game as social interaction is, but always make sure that you're ready to branch out, remember to take care of yourself first, make sure you can survive each day independantly before you go off jumping into your own fears.

 

See, Star Trek is helpful.

 

Who am I kidding? Watch Star Trek, it's the greatest, most inspiring show to ever have existed, I mean, it has all of the adventure and sci-fi of Doctor Who without the extreme amount of pain in EVERY SINGLE EPISODE. In the end I always go back to my precious Enterprise, she will teach you lessons that you will take with you for the rest of your life.

 

 

 

 





Ze Frank's "On Starting College"

I don't watch this video nearly enough and this basically just for me but I didn't think it fitting to have a college blog without this video because he's awesome and It gave me hope a long time ago and it still gives me hope today. There will never come a day when we all don't need Ze Frank in our lives.

There we go... Now my bog is on its way to becoming a proper little college experience blog... On Blogger..

Pay Attention

"And what do we have to say about coincidences?"-Mycroft Holmes

"The universe is rarely so lazy"-Sherlock Holmes

No matter what you do or where you go, the universe always has something to say and it has the most incredible ways of trying to communicate with you, all you have to do is pay attention. At least, try your hardest because whatever it is that you're looking for is probably the last thing that you need and that's where the structure and the patience that is the universe around you comes in. If you listen, if you pay attention, it will give you hints and advice on where to go or whom is going to be in your future. Unfortunately, these messages and paths are easily missed or disregarded until later on in your life when you look back and see how the world around you was looking out for you the entire time, it can be as simple as a look, a missed stair that makes you pause, or a bird being unusually loud on a tree. Anything can be a sign and just because you don't understand what it was at the time, it's good to keep these things in the back of your mind whenever you're making decisions or thinking about your current situation. It's to remember these things because it's a great sense of hope to know that just because your life isn't panning out clearly right now it doesn't mean that it won't, it just means that the pieces in your path haven't come together yet, time is still needed for all of the factors and one day you'll look back and see that it was right in front of you the entire time.

I'm posting about this because, for me, lately, there seems to be an unusual amount of signs everywhere around me and just because I see them doesn't mean that I can even guess what they might mean. Right now the universe is keeping me suspended in questions and a stagnant environment but I personally feel like something is going to change pretty soon and all of these little hints will make sense. Unfortunately, nothing is coming together as of right now and I can only hope for the factors that will create my future and that they will be stimulating and inspiring. I like being positive about things like these but I can't possibly know, I can only try to follow the path that is forming in front of me even if it is incomplete and treacherous, that's just apart of life; trusting the universe to know whats best for you even in the face of uncertainty.

If you want to read any more about things such as the universe and life goals and signs you should read "The Alchemist" It's an absolutely incredible book (Very Short) and it will change how you look at the world around you, I mean, I read that book over two years ago and I still think about it a lot as I live through my days, it's beautiful and though provoking (And very easy to read, by the way), And if you're not in the mood to read, try watching "Cloud Atlas", it, like "The Alchemist" will change your view on things forever however, its a film and it's a billion times more complicated that the book but it's got Tom Hanks and Halle Berry in it so It's got the visually pleasing aspect that a book can't recreate the same way. Either way, they'll change your life and give you something that you can keep with you no matter where you go in life.

Keep and eye out for the signs of the universe and the people that you connect with because, chances are, all of those components will become a very important part of your life and it's just a waste to ignore these little hints.

Zoom Zoom

I'm feeling... (Oh, great! this is going to be one of those sappy "Feely" Posts!) Well, maybe, I don't really know until I start one of these things exactly how it's going to pan out, I just start knowing the general direction in which I want to go, and I've found that I do that In most aspects of my life, not just my blogging, I mean, I literally do that with my life. I've chosen a general direction but I don't really know how it's going to pan out and I don't really try that hard to control the course That I'm on. Sometimes, I think that I should try harder to do just that but in the end, I'm not really interested in the big picture. Correction: I don't Understand the big picture. I am content with stringing the little pieces together in order to scrap together something that looks like a life. I like that about myself. I hate that about myself. But it doesn't matter because That's the way that I am and I'm not going to fight something as natural as vision.

Granted, sometimes, (Now, to be exact) I am having trouble coping with my... I don't know.. Personality? Status? Being? Whatever it is that is giving me fits as we speak is basically a mixture of self-doubt, jealousy, the inadequacy of my personality and I just want to make it clear that it's just bloody awful, I hate it. However, these feelings are to be expected in a young person, probably everyone but especially a right out of high school human being. The fact that I know these feelings are natural and okay is the worst part of this whole situation, as young people we are put into unreasonable positions when just a few months ago, we weren't allowed to do anything. I mean, I don't like having voices everywhere telling me Chop Chop! You're lagging behind!" NOBODY DOES. Although some people work well with that kind of stimulus, a lot of us not only don't work well, we reject it and run the other way. And this post is basically for those people, people like me whom don't want to rebel against the system or anything, we just want it to be okay to be slow, to take our own sweet time.

See, right now I have no idea where the rest of this post is going to go, I thought I had a good solid direction but now my logic is failing me and I'm on a time limit, what am I going to do with the next paragraph? I don't know... Let's see.

Just because you're a little bit behind everybody, okay, like miles behind the rest of the world does not mean that you're doing it wrong. You can't do it wrong! It's life! Everything ends the exact same way and it's fine not to live in the same lane as you're supposed to in society because your speed has nice qualities to it to, it's the lane that you're going to travel so you might as well enjoy it, learn it, explore its possibilities, it's yours, no two peoples lanes are the same and just because they cross does not mean they are going the same speed at all, or that the surrounding area is the same, it just means that two lanes (Or More) are going in a simpler direction, which, is special, but it's not nearly as special or as rare as the road your traveling.

Don't try to get on other's roads/lanes, just don't do it because that takes out all of the fun out of the journey, and plus it's tiresome to try to match another human's speed whether it's higher or lower than yours, it will only take away from your experience and that's the most important thing in the world, to finally make it to the end of the road, wherever that is, and be able to think back at all the unique things in this world that only you saw, many people may have seen the same thing as you but nobody saw exactly how you did , and that, my friends, is a beautiful and hopeful thing to look forward to every morning when you start your day. You just have to remind yourself, especially on the difficult days, that your about to experience things that day that no one else ever has, not exactly. So, if you worry that you're not unique, remember, you're angle and views of the many things in life will always be just yours.

As tempting as it is to try to move over into someone elses lane, try to resist because if you do, you're gonna miss some amazing things that were already in your lane and you're taking away from that person's focus and privacy, which every human being is entitled to, you wouldn't want someone pushing into your view so leave them be and treat their pace with the respect that you would want from them. It's simple courtesy.

So, relax and enjoy the pace that you're currently on, there's lots to see and love, but most importantly, don't ever let anyone tell you that you're doing life wrong because you're a little bit behind them. You're doing great.