Daydreams

well, I wasn't really wrong, today got much better, I mean, I'm writing a blog post at ten O' Clock at night and although I'm tired I wanted to sort of make up for my last post because even though it was all true, it wasn't permanent. It got better today, it was still hard but I made it through my own mind and writing a post like that helped tremendously, I would never take those words back, however I'm liking the words I'm typing now much better and these are the words I'm gonna need in the future when it's hard to get out of bed. I've got lots of plans for tonight or next morning, you know, making up for this morning.

Today, I have to admit that I spent almost the entire time daydreaming, those states are great but they're not great for productivity, doesn't mean that they're not awesome. There were a lot of other things that I could have been doing but why should I, It's not like anything else I could have done would have given me a break in some of the anxiety, like those future day dreams. I love to imagine myself  in the future, a place where I'm outgoing and loved by many fans because I've done so much, I imagine myself as an actor in a MARVEL movie and or a BBC show, and I'm at Comic con with the rest of the cast who, of course, includes my favorite people, like, Robert Downey Jr., Scarlet Johannson, Chris Evans, Joss Whedon, Tom Hiddleston, Mark Ruffalo and maybe more! If I were famous with that crowd, I would just adore the fans, all the time and I would remind them that the people that they love as much as I do are as awesome as we always imagined.

I would make BIG entrances, Like, I imagine being at Comic-Con and instead of staying backstage with the rest of the crew I would put on like a Loki costume and mingle with my fellow fans. they wouldn't know who I was until I moved around them and went to the big table and took my seat. It would be awesome because I would be as much as a fangirl as the people in the audience and I would try my absolute hardest to make everyone laugh, cast included, I would want to be known as the comedian in the group but I also like to think that when I would be up in front of the crowds alone I would have the opportunity to really inspire people and remind them that as hard as it is sometimes they are so amazing and wonderful that they will always have the strength to pull through. I would tell them about how much I adore the people that they adore and that they got me through everything and that they can do the same for any fan.

I would like to play to specific Fandoms and yell out their names and listen as their fans go wild, I would scream "WHOVIANS!" and listen to the Whovians celebrating and I would do the same for the Supernaturalists and the Sherlockians and the Avengers or any other Fandom that might be there and then I would ask everybody to turn to the person next to them and hug them, I would love watching the cosplayers from every fandom hugging each other and then burst out clapping. The most important thing would be for them to have the best time of their lives and be able to take home something that they will be able to use for the rest of their lives. It would be incredible because I could be loud and excited and absolutely be able to make a point in my life and hopefully help some other fangirl/fanboy get through the anxieties of life by reminding them that they all have something magical and powerful inside of them, because I would have found out that I to had something groovy in my soul.

My daydreams consist of a lot of stuff like that and although I doubt something like that would ever happen, it makes me feel better to pretend that it already happened just not yet but it will have happened someday. When you think about being important and special you're left with a warm fuzzy feeling in the depths of your chest. Yeah, I didn't get anything done but wow, what an awesome life I lived in the future from the present, the emotions that I felt for myself in the future but now. I don't want to say that it was worth three hours but yeah it was worth three hours not to be here but there. Daydreams are magical and they may feel like a waste but I like to think that they are just your brain giving yourself some satisfaction for something you haven't done yet to help you succeed just a little bit more that day.

Doctor Who Tribute

The adventure of a lifetime

Fantastic and brilliant

Full of stars and adrenaline

All of it, as real as the breath you breathe 

Because it's also the tears of the consequences 

and the pain of repeatedly broken hearts

So get ready for the screams, sobs, and the growl that'll come from your throat

The consequence of freedom is to be alone

So, Geronimo! It's worth it, I swear!

And I welcome you, my friend

To all that you've wanted

To all that you've feared

In the cracks of your fragile hearts 

Welcome to the madman's dream