Confedence in insecurity



"I'll be everything that I want to be. I am confidence in insecurity.I am a voice yet waiting to be heard I'll shoot the shot, bang, that you hear round the world. And I'm a one girl revolution" --- SuperChick

What!? What!? New blog! whoo-hoo! yeah but honestly I really needed to change my blog, I will always love that blog because it was my first blog but this one is is going to be just as fun without the weird awkward name that come with blog experimentation, starting this post marks a new chapter in my life and that, my friends is where the new name comes from, "College and all that implies!" is going to be just still me but in college and hopefully I will be able to write about the adventures that I go on throughout this semester and perhaps longer, I don't know, even now, I'm updating this post from a computer in the library (My favorite place to be) so here's to new chapters and slow beginnings! 

Unfortunately, I'm not going to start out with a cheery post and I don't feel like a one girl revolution because that is simply not how my day is going so far. It hasn't been "Bad" but it's just been lacking juicy content which is almost worst than having a bad day. Today, I just have not been getting the emotional attachment to the people around me and have consistently been oblivious to the social stimuli that , as a Gemini and a human, crave, I can't say for sure why, I have a few theories but right now, I'm not going to pursue them and I'm going to try extra hard to interact with some people around me because I feel like by not doing that, I'm wasting the opportunity that life has given me to make friends or enemies or just a line in my chapter.  A book isn't very interesting if all you meet is the protagonist; it's necessary to add as  many people as you can to the character list in the story of your life and right now, I'm failing in that endeavor because as of right now I've only re-introduced an old character and mentioned a few bland, superficial faces that I've passed by today.

I would like to make an important point in this post, I really would, but honestly, today, my brain is so scattered I wouldn't even know where to start. I'm disappointed in myself for not writing lately, something that I promised everyone and myself that I wouldn't do again. I'm disappointed in the total lack of authenticity that my expectations in seeing Jane were, I've been slow and dull all day and finally I have no goal for today and therefore no desire to reach that goal. I feel bad for laying out all of the things that are wrong today, it's not right to do that, especially to anybody who might accidentally read this blog and for that, I would like to apologize. It just feels like on a day like today when I don't have any wins at all the only thing that I can talk about are my failures or the disappointments of the day. However, I am totally jovial to mention that once I hit the publish button on this post, I will have an official win for the day and sometimes that's all you need, one itsy bitsy win to jump start your engine, so I have to remind myself that it's not even twelve O' clock right now, I still have a good sized portion of the day to kick some of insecurities buttocks. And that, is some very good news indeed.

"Some people see the revolution but most only see the girl,  I can lose my hard earned freedom if my fear defines my world. I declare my independence from the critics and their stones I can find my revolution I can learn to stand alone..." --- SuperChick

I wanted to add the quotes from SuperChick, not only because they're inspiring and invoke an almost anthem like response from the listener or in this case, the reader but also because those lyrics in particular are words that I need to hear. All the time? Sure but very much so today, I don't know if they will actually make that big of difference but I need them in the front of my mind at least for today. That's what those words are there for! That's why people write, it's all an attempt to give someone, somewhere, at sometime, hope for the next day or the day ahead so It's just ridiculous not to utilize those tools in your everyday life and that's what those words are, they're specialized tools that someone wrote just for you, right now to help you with your problem at hand. What more can you ask for?

So, today, if anybody is in the same boat that I am in, hopefully those are words that you need to hear as much as I do today and maybe something I wrote can help you to, I hope these words do, I really really do because right now I'm rambling because I need to and this makes me feel better but these words having a less selfish purpose than that? That would be totally groovy.