John Kennex Knows How to Dance

Okay, here's my latest bit of Jorian fluff/humor, it's short and it's mostly dialogue but I hope that anybody reading it enjoys it! Note: None of these characters belong to me, they belong to their creators and I just write fluffy/humorous gay fanfictions about them. Go figure.

“I’m a grown man, okay, I know how to dance formally! Now will you leave it!”

John violently straightened the pile of paperwork on his desk and looked at Dorian who was sitting the chair next to him, staring at him intently with his elbow resting on another folder that John had yet to finish, which, really was most of them. Paperwork was something he neglected to do a lot but now Captain Maldonado was yelling at him to get it done so he decided to stay late to finish it and Dorian had offered to keep him company, and John was beginning to regret letting him stay and not making him go home.

“It’s nothing to ashamed of John, a lot of men don’t know formal dance in this age, and I would just hate for you to miss out on the ball because you don’t know how to dance.”

John made a frustrated  face

“Look, first of all don’t call it a ‘ball’ that makes it sound all princess-y, it’s a departmentally funded social event and secondly my ability to dance has nothing to with why I’m not going, okay? I know how to dance!”

“John, nodding your head out of time to the music doesn’t count as ‘dancing’ and if it’s not about that, is it that you don’t have a date?”

John put his face in his hands and sighed loudly, muttering to himself however not so soft that Dorian couldn’t hear the extent his annoyance.

“Because I already told you that I would go with you.”

“Look, I know you want to go but I told you before! It’s not going to be fun or even interesting, it’s just going to be a bunch of boring people in boring outfits talking about boring work! I promise you, you won’t enjoy it!

“Perhaps, but your perception’s biased because you don’t like people.”

“Be that as it may, I know I’m right about this, okay?”

“How would you know, have you ever been to one?”

John had given up on his work and was now leaning back in his chair with his hands on top of his head, staring at Dorian.

Okay, you know what? I’ll take you and you can see for yourself that I’m right about this and we’ll stay the whole time so you can endure the endless small talk and judgmental glances of people who get paid more than we do. Is that a deal?”

Dorian’s face lit up with blue circuits and he smiled, obviously excited and John shook his head and rolled his eyes.

“It’s a deal”
“Okay, well now that that’s over with I can finally get done with this damn paperwork.”

“You still might want to learn how to dance before we go, though.”

John threw everything down on his desk again.

“Oh My God! Will you let that go! Besides what do you care anyway? You’re a synthetic!”

Dorian’s face darkened at the word and he looked down.

“I was programmed to be able to perform all social necessities. I was programmed to be able to dance.”

John Scoffed

“Of course you were. That’s it.”

He pushed the paper work onto the corner of his desk and stood up with his arms crossed.

“If I show you that I know how to dance, will you leave me alone about it?”

Dorian nodded.

“Then come on, let’s get this over with.”

He walked over to the middle of the floor and moved a few chairs away, cracked his neck and stood with his arms out, waiting.

“Well, what are you waiting for I don’t have all night.”

Dorian gave an amused grin and stood up to face John,

“There’s no music.”

“ My God! You’re picky. We don’t need music.”

Dorian shook his head and the blue circuits flashed across his grinning face a moment later soft, romantic music began playing from somewhere, John wasn’t sure where, though. Dorian walked up and took John’s hand and put the other on his shoulder. John put his free hand on his waste and then proudly began to dance with Dorian who complied elegantly. They continued to dance to the music that Dorian had picked out, John, who was admittedly a bit awkward, knew all of the steps. He looked smugly at the DRN who looked more blissful than offended that he was wrong.

“See, I told you I could dance.”

Dorian chuckled.

“I stand corrected”

The point was proven but they continued to dance anyway and even John was starting to smile a little as their pace quickened with the music.

“John.”

“I don’t care what step I missed, Don’t ruin the moment.’

John replied gruffly and to that Dorian just shrugged and kept dancing, if John didn’t want to hear it then he wasn't going to say anything. He would find out eventually so they kept dancing till the end of the song and John was smiling even more than he was before. When the song ended he dipped Dorian down a little in a little flourish, however the moment was interrupted with a little flash. They looked up at Valerie who had taken a photo with her phone, she was grinning and looked like she was about to start laughing, next to her Richard stood rigidly with a look of utter disbelief. Valerie looked at Richard and held out a hand/

“Pay up.”

Richard obeyed and put some bills in her hand, he still looked like he was in shock and the fact that he had apparently lost this bet didn't seem to occur to him

John let go and backed away before he paced a couple of times around a desk angrily while Dorian stood to the side smiling, the side of his face flashed and it was hard to tell if it was from amusement or embarrassment

“What are you guys even doing here?!”

“Sorry to disturb you guys but Maldonado called us in.”

John looked over to see the captain standing at the edge of the hallway looking utterly pleased with herself.

“Oh that’s just terrific! Wonderful!”

John leaned against his desk with his arms crossed, apparently he realized that the damage was done there was nothing he could do about it and Dorian continued to stand upright and he seemed to be clearly enjoying the situation around him. Then Maldonado finally spoke up.

“You owe me some money too, Paul.”

“No, you only get that money if they kiss, that was the bet.”

Dorian’s head tilted to the side and his eyes flashed as he promptly and without missing a beat walked over to where his partner was standing, put one hand on his face and kissed him. John didn't resist or try to back away and instead kissed back. Dorian let go and smiled sweetly before he turned and walked away and on his way out of the room he patted Richard on the shoulder.”


“I think you should give the Captain her money, Paul.”

Invisible

Whoo! I'm back; took a day off, not by choice, mind you, I was just having a particularly awful day and I couldn't get myself to write, I had to get myself sorted out. I could give you a hundred reasons as to why yesterday, wasn't my favorite day but I'd rather not, It's not yesterday anymore, it's today and all that today encompasses. As of yesterday, It was simply fulfilling and that made me less than alright, but as you know, I'm always fine so it's all good.

A penny for my thoughts, oh, no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar

They're worth so much more after I'm a goner

And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'

Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

---The Band Perry 

I often like to believe that I'm invisible, it's not a stretch since invisibility really is like my super power. I'm good at blending in and not being seen, even in my bright Captain America jacket, which is easily seen from far away. Yet still, I move in and out of crowds like I was a ghost and as frustrating as that can be, I would like to take a moment to appreciate how natural this is, I mean, I never practiced being invisible and when I try, I'm usually seen! I can't help it, I just go unnoticed! One time I walked out in the middle of one of my classes in high-school and nobody noticed! As cool as this "ability" can be, it's hard to come to terms with and I've had to do just that throughout my life because how in the world can I ever be remembered if I'm never seen? I've been apart of many people's lives and I don't think they even know who I am, so, what can the invisible girl do to be remembered? 

well, I'm doing it, I write, and I write and I write, write, write! I write to a world that isn't listening and as disheartening as that can be I just have to remember that no one listens till you're dead, these words will be worth so much more once I'm gone, and THAT'S why I write! These words will forever be my legacy to a world that can't see me, so that maybe, just maybe, someday, they'll hear me. (Note to Mum and Dad: I want to point out that this isn't a death wish or anything, I'm not saying that I'm excited to die so people will hear me, that's not it at all, so relax, I know this is a morbid topic) The only problem with this idea is that I don't know when I'm going to die or anybody else for that matter so, I can't plan out what I want to write, life is to unpredictable which is why I write everyday and I try to get some point's across, everyday. I've got something to say everyday and therefore I'm going to write everyday because I just don't know when my time is going to be up therefore, I've got to fill up as many pages that I can whenever I can because these words are all I've got to give to a world that is incredibly beautiful.

I want to write every sentence as if it were the last sentence that I'll ever write, I like to live like that but let's face it, my transparent life isn't my legacy, my words are my legacy so I treat them with a lot more care. I know that I'm not the only invisible person, I'm a part of huge invisible community that are struggling every waking hour to be seen which is why It's so important to me to mention that it's okay to be invisible, it's a power. I like to think of us as mutants (Actually I believe that all of humanity has some kind of mutant ability but today I'm just going to focus on the invisible ones) because lots of mutants have interesting abilities that they can control and use whenever they want to but some of them can't, they have an ability that they can't make go away and this makes life a bit more difficult. 

If you're an invisible human think about Rogue, she was never one of my favorite mutants when I was young but as I got older I realized that in many ways she is the most relatable mutants for invisibles, like us. she has been forced to live around her own "super power", She's had to give up the people and the things that she loved because of her power and if you're invisible like me you know the opportunities and the possible relationships that you've had to let go because you weren't seen and you didn't know how to make yourself seen. But, you know what? Rogue lived with it and she suffered through the consequences of something that she was born with and still managed to be a bad-ass hero that fought for the rights of humanity, she's an incredible inspiration that is often looked past, so I'm mentioning her because I truly believe that she helped me deal with my invisibility and perhaps she can for you too. 

Every little bit of inspiration helps and should be utilized because we live on to fragile a mindset to let any of it go to waste. If you're fighting against yourself everyday and feel as if it's a futile battle, let me remind you that it's not because when you're exhausted you'll probably find that tomorrow is just around the corner and that's just going to make you feel more worthless but if you imagine that it's not, that whatever you're working on today is the last thing anybody will ever know of you, when you wake up and there's actually a new day, it's a wonderful surprise, it's a surprise that'll make you smile, you're body held out one more day, one more day in which you need to fill with as much of heart as possible because you don't know if you'll have tomorrow. 

When you open you're eyes open in the morning, remember that a brand new day wasn't really guaranteed so seriously, you should be like "Holy crap! A brand new day that I can do whatever I want with! I had no idea if this was actually going to happen!" And if you're invisible like me, you've got to work extra hard to make a point and guess what!? You've just been given a new opportunity to do that! Every new day should be treated as a surprise, a little jolt, a scare, an unexpected friend behind you waiting for you to acknowledge them.

Happiness

What makes you happy? It's important to list those things that make you happy once in a while... Okay, actually it's best to do it everyday single that you're alive because that's what happiness is! It's not an entirety of your life, it's the bits and pieces that pop up throughout the day, all of those little things together make up happiness, Ze Frank said it better in one of his videos (That I might post if I can find it) and, I guess, that I got that philosophy from him, it's not like that's rare, I mean, The guy's incredible! He is so inspiring and helpful and I just don't know what I would have done without his videos and webpage. However, that's not the only thing that got me thinking about happiness tonight and that maybe that's what i should write about in my blog which has been going down hill in quality lately.

In reality, tonight, when I was stumped on what to write and was feeling particularly worthless, I had an epiphany on what I could do to get myself out of this, shall we say, slump. At first, I though it was a bit crazy but it turned out to be very helpful in jump starting my brain and giving me the boost that I needed, which was good because without the payoff it would have just been incredibly stupid. I decided to have a little monologue, complete with pacing and arm gestures, and in this monologue, I went through all of the things that were on my mind and as usual I ended up with a lot of things that weren't in the front of my mind but were buried underneath a layer of monotonous goop. When I dug down deep enough, through the big picture, I found what we all find when we search a little harder, I found the little things. The little things that make life worth living, and then I thought 'When isn't it a good time to talk about what make's us happy?' So here I am, writing about the small things that make me happy happy in order to make anybody who's reading this perhaps a little happy happy too. :)

I don't really want to make paragraphs and paragraphs over something that could easily be expressed accurately through a list, so here's twenty things that make me happy! This is my "Happy List"

1. Hugs from my mum (especially when she's in a comfy sweater)
2. Watching stand up comedians with my dad
3. Giving my dad high fives
4. Watching one of my mum and I's special movies
5. Anything to do with Captain America
6. Scarlet Johansson's smile
7. The way Evangeline Lilly says "Bilbo Baggins"
8. The way the grass feels on a warm, sunny day
9. sprawling out in a pile of pillows 
10. Everything about Amanda Abbington 
11. When Simon laughs a silent laugh 
12. Opening a can of Mountain Dew
13. The sound of someone typing very quickly 
14. Holding my rats and making them all love drunk 
15. The snappy sound that my journal makes when I open it
16. When John randomly touches my hair or hands
17. Finishing a post or a story
18. Sassy Loki 
19. The smell of a comic book
20. Making food for John

So there's my list of things that make me happy, I hope that some of those things will remind you of what makes you happy because on hard days, those little things are the things that keep us going moment to moment and we should always appreciate what makes us smile and recognize the effect that the people around us have on our happiness, this is helpful because when you feel like strangling them, you can look back and say "Oh yeah, they make up some of what keeps me going, I guess I can handle them today."

Here's Ze Frank's video on happiness, It's absolutely awesome! He makes some great points, as usual, and it's definitely the video that I go to when I'm down and need a pick me up. Trust me, everyone in the world needs to watch this video, I seriously can't over sell this! Just watch it!

This Ship

"When I was decommissioned, the second before it happened, I just kept thinking 'I really hope there's someone there to wake me up again'. And then, you woke me up; It was you." --Dorian (Almost Human)

Ugh! Dear, Almost Human; "WHY ARE YOU MAKING US FEEL THESE THINGS!"

 This ship! This ship is so flippin' perfect! Thank you, Fox for putting on a T.V show with a ship that I could fall in love with from the very beginning and not have to catch up much later on like the rest of my OTPs because right now, I think I would cry if I didn't have my daily dosage of Jorian every night. Let's face it, I'm not really good at creating relationships with other humans... $0.89 cups with Natasha Romanoff on them? Sure! Teddy bears? Defiantly! Basically, with inanimate objects, I'm a freaking socialite but honestly, three weeks in college and I've only talked to one person but that's okay, not everyone has an easy time connecting with people. For me, I don't have much trouble with talking to people I just have trouble remembering that they are around me because I've got so many conversations and scenes happening in my head all the time, other peoples conversations get mixed up and I forget to tell them apart.

HOWEVER, progress was made today with my lab partner,(I'm going to call her Grayson because I don't like using people's real names online, I'm old fashioned that way.) I actually had a great time! We were laughing and getting the really hard work done at the same time, unfortunately, I don't really have a connection with her, we were just there because we needed partners but that's okay too, I'm so thankful that I had someone to work with today who put a reason behind the smile on my face. As a character in my story, I'm just going to say that she get's flustered and stressed over work very easily but is rather good at not letting that keep her from having a good time and what's even better is that she works at my pace and doesn't take herself that seriously, which is wonderful. I'm extremely lucky that I got to spend two hours with this new person who was not only a great lab partner but also very nice company.

Ships are there for people with social dilemmas in order for them to have an opportunity to express emotions towards the human race that they, otherwise, would not be able to; Ships and OTPs are just amazing, however there's nothing like being right in the middle of a social situation that make's you see some of the details in your current chapter. It's great to look around and realize that no moment is exactly the same and you can stop and breathe this in in every situation because it's all beautiful, it's all one of a kind, at least for you it is and that's all that is important. A feeling may have been felt by billions of other people from all walks of life but that doesn't mean that what you're feeling for a moment is any less important because those feelings aren't theirs, they're yours so enjoy them while they're there and don't make the mistake of thinking that they're unimportant.

Be thankful for everybody that crosses your path because no one is there without a reason and everyone can teach you something. The fact that they're in your life, no matter how small a time, makes them relevant and necessary to your story, so basically, try your hardest to treat them as such, there is no one in this world (That isn't worthless) that doesn't deserve to be reminded that they've made a contribution to your itty-bitty life and therefore to the incredible vastness and wonder of the universe. You're brilliant and chances are; they are too. 

"What if I put a bullet in Dorian's head!? --Richard 

"Don't even look at Dorian!"--John

Short, sweet and a Jorian Video

Ah, sunshine! It fixes everything, along with anything Avengers, rats, and soft things, well actually there is a lot of things that make everything better but I'm just going to say that, for me, sunshine is the most powerful, however, you know what would be better than everything would be to lay in a fluffy field of teddy bears while listening to the Avengers with a bunch of adorable rats under the sun in like 80 degree weather. For me anyway, but seriously, the sun has a way of lifting spirits even when things are down. In fact, that's exactly what I recommend to any of my friends that are having problems with depression. Go out in the sun and just soak it up for a while and relax in the warmth and the vitamin D that releases the much needed serotonin in to our brains.

Anyway, I'm not going to rant on and on like I usually do today, I'm beginning to realize that as this is a college blog, college is an important part of my inspiration for posts and seeing that I haven't been since Friday, maybe I just need to keep it simple. However, I am going to post a Youtube video that I absolutely adore, it's a Jorian tribute, and it just makes me smile because I'm such a mushy sob, but if I was going to make a point tonight, I would say that if you're down, find a smile in anyway you possibly can, who knows? Maybe, this video will make you smile like it did me.

NOTE: I did not make this video, some amazingly talented Jorian shipper did and they deserve all of the credit and so does Fox, but, whatever. ENJOY!!!

Daydreams

well, I wasn't really wrong, today got much better, I mean, I'm writing a blog post at ten O' Clock at night and although I'm tired I wanted to sort of make up for my last post because even though it was all true, it wasn't permanent. It got better today, it was still hard but I made it through my own mind and writing a post like that helped tremendously, I would never take those words back, however I'm liking the words I'm typing now much better and these are the words I'm gonna need in the future when it's hard to get out of bed. I've got lots of plans for tonight or next morning, you know, making up for this morning.

Today, I have to admit that I spent almost the entire time daydreaming, those states are great but they're not great for productivity, doesn't mean that they're not awesome. There were a lot of other things that I could have been doing but why should I, It's not like anything else I could have done would have given me a break in some of the anxiety, like those future day dreams. I love to imagine myself  in the future, a place where I'm outgoing and loved by many fans because I've done so much, I imagine myself as an actor in a MARVEL movie and or a BBC show, and I'm at Comic con with the rest of the cast who, of course, includes my favorite people, like, Robert Downey Jr., Scarlet Johannson, Chris Evans, Joss Whedon, Tom Hiddleston, Mark Ruffalo and maybe more! If I were famous with that crowd, I would just adore the fans, all the time and I would remind them that the people that they love as much as I do are as awesome as we always imagined.

I would make BIG entrances, Like, I imagine being at Comic-Con and instead of staying backstage with the rest of the crew I would put on like a Loki costume and mingle with my fellow fans. they wouldn't know who I was until I moved around them and went to the big table and took my seat. It would be awesome because I would be as much as a fangirl as the people in the audience and I would try my absolute hardest to make everyone laugh, cast included, I would want to be known as the comedian in the group but I also like to think that when I would be up in front of the crowds alone I would have the opportunity to really inspire people and remind them that as hard as it is sometimes they are so amazing and wonderful that they will always have the strength to pull through. I would tell them about how much I adore the people that they adore and that they got me through everything and that they can do the same for any fan.

I would like to play to specific Fandoms and yell out their names and listen as their fans go wild, I would scream "WHOVIANS!" and listen to the Whovians celebrating and I would do the same for the Supernaturalists and the Sherlockians and the Avengers or any other Fandom that might be there and then I would ask everybody to turn to the person next to them and hug them, I would love watching the cosplayers from every fandom hugging each other and then burst out clapping. The most important thing would be for them to have the best time of their lives and be able to take home something that they will be able to use for the rest of their lives. It would be incredible because I could be loud and excited and absolutely be able to make a point in my life and hopefully help some other fangirl/fanboy get through the anxieties of life by reminding them that they all have something magical and powerful inside of them, because I would have found out that I to had something groovy in my soul.

My daydreams consist of a lot of stuff like that and although I doubt something like that would ever happen, it makes me feel better to pretend that it already happened just not yet but it will have happened someday. When you think about being important and special you're left with a warm fuzzy feeling in the depths of your chest. Yeah, I didn't get anything done but wow, what an awesome life I lived in the future from the present, the emotions that I felt for myself in the future but now. I don't want to say that it was worth three hours but yeah it was worth three hours not to be here but there. Daydreams are magical and they may feel like a waste but I like to think that they are just your brain giving yourself some satisfaction for something you haven't done yet to help you succeed just a little bit more that day.

Doctor Who Tribute

The adventure of a lifetime

Fantastic and brilliant

Full of stars and adrenaline

All of it, as real as the breath you breathe 

Because it's also the tears of the consequences 

and the pain of repeatedly broken hearts

So get ready for the screams, sobs, and the growl that'll come from your throat

The consequence of freedom is to be alone

So, Geronimo! It's worth it, I swear!

And I welcome you, my friend

To all that you've wanted

To all that you've feared

In the cracks of your fragile hearts 

Welcome to the madman's dream

Man, I don't EVEN have an opinion, today

Wow. Today has been... Just wow, like nothing, it's past Eleven O' Clock and I'm not even out of my room yet, or dressed for that matter, I don't know whats wrong with me, I guess I'm just not feeling ready to go out there and face the world or maybe I just don't like the world that I'm facing today. Also I have no way of knowing how wasting my day like this will affect the day, I don't know but I hate it, I just can't stand feeling this way. I think that lately, all of my posts have sounded the same, with the first couple of paragraphs being "Blah, blah, blah! Wah, Wah, Wah! Life is hard!" and then the rest of the post completely disregarding the introduction and just being like "You can do it!" and then finishing with a GIF that is really more for my benefit than the readers. I don't know, maybe that pattern suits me but if it's been really annoying for any readers, just know, I'm not writing out of choice, it's out of need and it's as annoying for me as it is for you. Whoa, seriously just reading what I just wrote makes me feel like a scrooge, sorry about that, I suppose that I needed to express some negativity this morning and I guess that's okay but lets face it. It's not, It's never okay to spread negativity with a world that is already swimming in it and I apologize but I'm not going to re-write anything #1. Because I'm lazy and #2. Because that negative statement gives me just enough traction to continue writing with some kind of goal. Sometimes it's easier to write about your own process than to actually write something intelligent. So today I would like to change up the pattern a little bit, I know that I've been saying this a lot but... I don't know how, so lets just have fun with this post because my brain isn't working today.

Ha! Look at that! I put a Gif in the middle of my blog! I'm going hardcore today! I mean, honestly! I'm not dressed, I haven't got out my room yet and I'm running on only ONE can of Mountain Dew! I don't even know whats happening today but I think that it has something to do with the weather, It's been so horribly cold outside that I haven't gone outside and done whatever it is that I do, bask, explore, stare at trees, stare at water, it doesn't matter I just love being outside! It makes me happy! and I've been stuck inside for days because of this stupid freeze. You know what? the worst part about this is that today, I'm probably going to have to force myself outside just to get out of this rut! But that's okay, you have to do whatever you have to do to help yourself even if it's inconvenient or borderline crazy. I know that today, I'm late with everything and I'm feeling completely worthless but at least I know what some of the problem is and how I might be able to fix it, that's a start and if I have to work late in life today, so be it, I've literally got nothing better to do and there's freezing cold fresh air outside that's just waiting to help me feel better.

It's times like these that I am most thankful for my wonderful fandoms, I don't know what I would do without them and I mean the actors, the characters and the other amazing fans who love them as much as I do. I know I talk a lot about my fandoms and my Ships and things but that's only because I need them and I'm not the only one, people need these fandoms because they will literally get you through anything and right now that's what life is about; Surviving till the next day and hoping it will be a little bit better than today and honestly If I didn't have Captain America in my life I wouldn't know where to turn to in times like these where I feel like I'm just floating in a place that has no gravity and also has three times the gravity. These characters are there fior exactly that so there's no shame in using them to help you keep moving, even if it's at a terribly slow rate, it's still moving.

"If you can't fly, then run

If you can't run, then walk

If you can't walk, then crawl

but whatever you do

you have to  keep moving forward"

---- Martin Luther King Jr.

Wow, this post is all over the place, sorry about that, my brain should be up and running by tomorrow at the latest but hopefully it will be at least at half power by tonight, I'm going to need the time to make up for whatever this strange mutant post is... Also I lost a lot of chances to write yesterday so it would be awesome if I could just double up today, maybe make a couple fanfictions or work on my novel, if I actually get to that point today, I'll post it. I know that I'm going to regret posting this pile of crap but I think it's a good thing not to always be okay and since it's such a great example of that, it's staying. Ugh.

This Post.

You are brilliant, I swear

Do you ever just look around you and realize that you're just here, that's it, just where you are, you're not flying through space and time with The Doctor, you're not fighting to save the world side by side with the Avengers, you're not hunting demons with the Winchesters, you're not solving incredible crimes, you're not battling with the nights of the round table and you're most certainly not fighting fire breathing dragons that sound like Benedict Cumberbatch, you're just sitting there, on the computer, just there and not over there.

You never really think of these things until you're alone and it's quiet, those thoughts though are not good, they'll crush your heart and soul before you even realize it's happened. I wish I could say that I know what to do about those thoughts, those little demons crawling their way through your envious heart, but I don't because some days they are just there and you can't pull away from them; They've got you and you can't get rid of them until you finally get to fall asleep that night, but what a waste of a day! That's what makes me mad, you have to deal with these stupid, annoying demons and you've got things to do, and just trying to push those thoughts away won't help. The minute you pull the cake out of the oven you'll just be reminded that it's not a bomb you're disabling to save the city or when people always pass you by, so you start thinking that you're not the brilliant protagonist in you're story, maybe you're just a red shirt or just another background face for the hero but let me tell you, That's Not True!

Don't you see?! the thoughts that are holding you back are the very thoughts you need! The monsters are just turning it all round in you're head! Because those fictional lives that you adore more than anything in the world aren't there to hinder you, they're there to inspire you! To make you a better person, not because you're any less important than them but because it's their jobs! It's their job to give you hope or courage or inspiration! Anything that you need! Just because there's a little voice in your head that is telling you that you're less than or worthless than the people on the screens or on the pages, doesn't mean it's true! Don't believe everything that the voices in your heart are saying, chances are they're wrong, think it through and realize that the worlds that are in your head are everything and more of the things your heart longs for, you've got everything up there, the adventures, the honor, the sweet private moments that you feel you're missing and most of all the brilliance of all that makes you, you!

You take these brilliant words that you love and you take them for what they were meant to be, truth, and not what the little monsters twist them into, like the doubt, the anxiety or the feeling that you could have never come up with that on your own because that's just an illusion. The monsters are wrong! and chances are they're just little pieces of yourself that have given up for some reason or another and that means that you can beat them! They've got their little party tricks that make you want to curl up and give up but they're weak! And they're desperate! You, my dear have followed the characters that you love through thick and thin and you would do it all over again in a heartbeat, these screeching, incessant imps are nothing an adventurer like yourself can't handle.

You've got this. You're a professional fangirl/fanboy, and you've got shit to do, so don't push the monsters into a corner of your mind, fight 'em! Show them who's boss and then make yourself a cup of tea, you've earned it, tiger.

"You Have a Problem, Dorian"

This is a "Jorian" fanfiction (More like a drabble, really) that I just wrote, it's fluffy and cute and I hope that whoever is reading this, enjoys it as much as I enjoyed writing it. NOTE: none of these characters belong to me! I wish they did but they don't so I just write about them. :)

You have a Problem, Dorian

It wasn't that special of a case really; a burglar or some crazed lunatic with nothing to do as always and a devastated owner, they were already working on finding the man who had been on an unusual burglary streak, always hitting obscure places of business and taking money as well as seemingly random items. However, this time, John Kennex grimaced as he got into the drivers seat and started the engine.

  Dorian wasn't far behind and once he was seated he looked over and smiled sweetly, in a way that would normally have forced the bitter detective to crack a smile but not today, today he gave a look like he just tasted something bad. Dorian brushed it aside and instead stared passively out the window, he wasn't aware as to where the crime had happened this time and John being prickly was a way of life for him so he naturally thought nothing of it.

They arrived at their destination and Dorian gave a little noise of excitement and John groaned and dropped his head on the steering wheel as he parked the car in front of “The Incredible pet Emporium” a massive pet store that had just become the fugitive’s latest target. Dorian’s smile faded quickly and he turned to John with a shocked face but before he could say anything John held up a hand. “None of the animals were hurt, he only took cash and a few supplies.” and the DRN’s face lit up again.

John had found out only after they moved in together that Dorian had a real issue with animals, he just couldn’t pass any of them up, he had brought home stray cats, dogs and even a bird’s nest that had lost their mother, Dorian nurtured them and released them back into the wild, not out of choice, John had just had enough of the fowl screeching in the middle of the night. Dorian was just too compassionate to turn down a animal in need, it was something that John loved about him and also what he was really beginning to hate about him.

They got out of the car, Dorian a little faster than John and they looked at each other for a few moment over the roof of the vehicle. Dorian grinned like a little kid and John just put his finger up 

“No.”

“No what?” He looked confused and his blue eyes shined inquisitively as the side of his face flashed with blue circuits.

“Doesn't matter. Just no to everything until we get out of this store.”

“John, I-”

“No. Seriously, man, you have a problem”

Dorian smiled “I think you’re over reacting, John” 

“Oh really,” They had left the car and were now walking towards the front doors. “Well, tell that to the seven kittens in my closet, why don’t you.”

When they finally went into the store it was just business as usual, talking to the witnesses and collecting data and evidence, it was what they did basically every case, except in most cases John didn't have to pull Dorian away from the multiple cages that he stared at and made cooing noises towards the little animals inside. Every animal ran to the sides of their confinements as Dorian passed, even John had to admit that it was adorable how animals reacted to him so lovingly, even the antisocial or completely indifferent ones got excited when Dorian tapped the sides of their houses. 

Still, John didn't want him falling in love with anymore animals, so he tried his best to keep his pet whispering boyfriend away from the prying eyes of the stores occupants as they conducted interviews. Dorian remained completely professional even though his eyes sometimes wondered off but honestly, John was quite proud at how Dorian resisted the cute little bundles of fur. 

Finally they finished their work and John was giving their phone number to the obviously distracted and overwhelmed store owner. John held out a card for the owner but was left hanging as a squeak rang out from behind the counter and the little old man immediately went to check on what was going on. John sighed loudly and looked behind him where Dorian was standing, reminding him to be nice. 

The store clerk returned, now holding a rat gingerly in his arms, John grimaced and backed away but the owner didn't seem to notice.

“Sorry, boys, little Bianca here keeps getting bullied by the other rats, poor little thing and after all she’s been through already with those bastard breeders.”

He held up the lightly colored rat who had a few scars and a torn up ear, she wiggled around and made little chattering noises as he petted her head.

John knew what was about to happen before it happened and he tried to protest but it was already to late, The stupid store owner had walked up and placed the rodent in Dorian’s arms. It was to late, he could tell the damage was already done as Dorian’s eyes lit up and went wide and Bianca walked all over him, even giving little rat kisses then finally rested comfortably in his hands. 

Dorian looked at John, he had gone complete disco face at this point.

“No.”

“Please!” he had gone into begging mode

“No.”

“Okay, I guess you’re right, I have a problem.” He handed the rat to John who gasped and held it away from him as Dorian sulked away pathetically.

John groaned, he was getting soft. “Ugh! Put it in a damn box, will you?” He said as he handed Bianca to the owner who took her excitedly.

“Of course! No charge for cops!”

“Oh, wonderful.” He said dryly

Dorian turned around beaming again and John rolled his eyes. 

“Thank you, John” He said leaning in to give the taller man a kiss but John leaned back and pushed him away.

“Uh-uh, no way I’m kissing you, rat face. You’re taking a bath in bleach when we get home, by the way.”

Dorian smiled and John shook his head, grinning”

Confedence in insecurity



"I'll be everything that I want to be. I am confidence in insecurity.I am a voice yet waiting to be heard I'll shoot the shot, bang, that you hear round the world. And I'm a one girl revolution" --- SuperChick

What!? What!? New blog! whoo-hoo! yeah but honestly I really needed to change my blog, I will always love that blog because it was my first blog but this one is is going to be just as fun without the weird awkward name that come with blog experimentation, starting this post marks a new chapter in my life and that, my friends is where the new name comes from, "College and all that implies!" is going to be just still me but in college and hopefully I will be able to write about the adventures that I go on throughout this semester and perhaps longer, I don't know, even now, I'm updating this post from a computer in the library (My favorite place to be) so here's to new chapters and slow beginnings! 

Unfortunately, I'm not going to start out with a cheery post and I don't feel like a one girl revolution because that is simply not how my day is going so far. It hasn't been "Bad" but it's just been lacking juicy content which is almost worst than having a bad day. Today, I just have not been getting the emotional attachment to the people around me and have consistently been oblivious to the social stimuli that , as a Gemini and a human, crave, I can't say for sure why, I have a few theories but right now, I'm not going to pursue them and I'm going to try extra hard to interact with some people around me because I feel like by not doing that, I'm wasting the opportunity that life has given me to make friends or enemies or just a line in my chapter.  A book isn't very interesting if all you meet is the protagonist; it's necessary to add as  many people as you can to the character list in the story of your life and right now, I'm failing in that endeavor because as of right now I've only re-introduced an old character and mentioned a few bland, superficial faces that I've passed by today.

I would like to make an important point in this post, I really would, but honestly, today, my brain is so scattered I wouldn't even know where to start. I'm disappointed in myself for not writing lately, something that I promised everyone and myself that I wouldn't do again. I'm disappointed in the total lack of authenticity that my expectations in seeing Jane were, I've been slow and dull all day and finally I have no goal for today and therefore no desire to reach that goal. I feel bad for laying out all of the things that are wrong today, it's not right to do that, especially to anybody who might accidentally read this blog and for that, I would like to apologize. It just feels like on a day like today when I don't have any wins at all the only thing that I can talk about are my failures or the disappointments of the day. However, I am totally jovial to mention that once I hit the publish button on this post, I will have an official win for the day and sometimes that's all you need, one itsy bitsy win to jump start your engine, so I have to remind myself that it's not even twelve O' clock right now, I still have a good sized portion of the day to kick some of insecurities buttocks. And that, is some very good news indeed.

"Some people see the revolution but most only see the girl,  I can lose my hard earned freedom if my fear defines my world. I declare my independence from the critics and their stones I can find my revolution I can learn to stand alone..." --- SuperChick

I wanted to add the quotes from SuperChick, not only because they're inspiring and invoke an almost anthem like response from the listener or in this case, the reader but also because those lyrics in particular are words that I need to hear. All the time? Sure but very much so today, I don't know if they will actually make that big of difference but I need them in the front of my mind at least for today. That's what those words are there for! That's why people write, it's all an attempt to give someone, somewhere, at sometime, hope for the next day or the day ahead so It's just ridiculous not to utilize those tools in your everyday life and that's what those words are, they're specialized tools that someone wrote just for you, right now to help you with your problem at hand. What more can you ask for?

So, today, if anybody is in the same boat that I am in, hopefully those are words that you need to hear as much as I do today and maybe something I wrote can help you to, I hope these words do, I really really do because right now I'm rambling because I need to and this makes me feel better but these words having a less selfish purpose than that? That would be totally groovy.