Valentine's Day

"Well, asking a woman to dance always seems so terrifying. And the past few year just didn't seem to matter that much. Figured I'd wait for the right Partner." -Captain America

"Things are different now, I have to protect the one thing that I can't live without. That's you."- Iron Man

"Love is for children" - The Black Widow

"Hulk hates to say it. But Hulk needs you." -The Hulk

"I must return to my other life -- And to the girl that holds my heart-- Although I'd never dare admit it." -Thor

"Anyone ever tell you how your eyes sparkle when you're angry?" - Hawkeye

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!! And there's a few Avenger quotes to enjoy, I hope you do anyway because it took me a lot longer than I expected to collect them, I was just going to do the Black Widow quote but then I wanted to get some from all of them. Because I love Valentines day and I love the Avengers even more than that, plus I don't have a Valentine so they are basically it, I'm not complaining, I'm never disappointed in the love I get from my favorite superheroes. 

I'm going to keep this short and sweet because it's late and I have a lot of thinking to do before I go to bed tonight, you know, Like Superheroes, stuff and the amazing relationship that I have with my best friend Simon, this day would have been a lot worse had it not been for her amazingness and I know that she wasn't having that great a day but even then she brightened my day by a million volts, she has a talent for that and I don't know what I would have done without her, she literally turned my whole week around in one night, she's a great friend and I hope that everyone out there has a friend as awesome as I Simon.

By the way, I totally found my motto in these gifs... Speaking of Valentine's Day.....

And Finally....

College...College...Squirrel...College...

The funny thing is that this blog, right here, that you're reading, is a college blog which makes it very silly that I seem to be updating it a lot, not at college... Part of it is that I don't have a very heavy course load and a part of it is the bloody weather lately, either way, a lot of it hasn't been about college and I do feel really bad about that, also that I havn't updated in a while, but I took a couple of days off, regrettibly, or maybe it was just yesterday, I'm not for sure, I'm terrible at making sense of time passage and, yesterday especially, I was having THE MOST AWFUL DAY but that's okay because it's over now and now it is today.

Last night as I was trying te get to sleep I was worried that maybe this whole week was going to be has hard as the frist two days but then I realized that attitude really is everything, unfortunatly, however, some days you need a lot of outside forces to even make that partially okay but last night i tried something new. As I layed there, I thought, What if it is actually possible to decide your attitude the day before? This thought was based off of the idea that when it comes to Geminis the attitude toward everything is "I think therefore I am" So why couldn't I just tell myself that today was going to be a day of jovial attitude, I mean, if thinking something technically makes it true then why not?! And in the first trial run (Today) it seem to be working, I'm in a great mood even though not much has happened today and I am in a good state of mind to catch up on some of the things in my life that are lagging behind, so basically, Maybe its a good idea to just decide your attitude on the day before and this can aplly to anyone, not just us geminis. Point is. Have confidence in the power of your own mind.

I swear this place is magical, today, I've been everywhere! I had so much free time after my test that now I still have over an hour before my next class, so what else is there to do but walk to the whims of your imagination? I have troubles focusing anyway and if I don't have anywhere to be I literally just wonder around in the directions of the things I get distracted by, I know this is probably unthinkable to a lot of people (Jane) but for me and people like me, it's just a way of life and i refuse to be sorry for that. Enjoy your surroundings, in the end, they'll probably be all you have because their going to chance over time and its good to wallow in them as they are at the moment.

Wow, this post is everywhere... but hey, at least it's a college post. College has been great, I'd swear that the only time I feel okay anymore are whenever I'm here amongst all of the people, it's great because I can have human interactions without having to be socialy sound. So, even if you're fine alone or just generally have issues getting to know people, try to be around them even if you aren't interacting with them. :)

In this post you finally have an idea as to what it's like to be inside the mind of a Gemini, its fast, chaotic and all around fun if you can keep up. Sometimes it's hard being a Gemini, with the duality and everything, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy Birthday, Tom Hiddleston!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TOM HIDDLESTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whooo!! I know, I know, that was a tad bit... enthusiastic but come on! It's Tom Hiddleston! So I decided to make an appreciation post for this amazing guy. I am not able to say that I'm a massive fan of his acting works, simply because I've only seen him as Loki and in like a half of another movie but that's one of the great things about him, he is such an inspiration in real life and he honestly is probably the best role model in Hollywood, I respect him THAT much, I will say that he is just freaking amazing in all that he says and does, I mean we all love Loki, (probably his best known role) but in the end we keep coming back to just incredible, inspiring and sweet Thomas William Hiddleston.

If I had to choose someone to look up to for the rest of my life, it would definitely be him, he makes an example of himself and I can see all around me the effect that he has on his fans all over the world. They feel a lot like I do on the subject. Whenever I am struggling or in a rut, I spend a lot of time on the internet looking up quotes by Tom Hiddleston. He's great at spreading positivity to the people who read or hear his words and in a world of negativity he's a breath of fresh air in a polluted world. He has made too much of an impact on peoples lives not to be respected and loved which is exactly why he is, he has legitimately earned the love and respect of his fans and not just through his looks. If people look at him the way I do, and I'm pretty sure that they do, he has become the person to emulate in every aspect possible, he is a glowing figure of old world class and new world ideas. 

I'm sure that I sound absolutely crazy about this guy but the truth is, I just respect him beyond belief and I listen to him, I aspire to be half the person that he is in life, I love that he's Loki and truth be known, I love Loki but the greatest and most unique about him is that as much as I love the characters he plays, I love him more and I can't say that about most actors, they're out there playing incredible characters (And I'm sure that they are great too) but Tom Hiddleston IS and incredible character, I swear to Bast, you couldn't write a person like that more elegantly. 

So tonight, or tomorrow or whenever you're bustling through life stop and think "What would Tom Hiddleston Do?" Oh, and remember to wish him a happy 33rd birthday, at least in your mind! Now, here's some quotes by the amazing guy himself. :)

"Never, ever, let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. Prove the cynics wrong. Pity them; for they have no imagination. The sky's the limit, your sky, your limit, now, lets dance."

"We're all flawed heroes. Responsibility is power. Take responsibility for the consequences of your actions and the world is yours. Everything's a choice."

"What's my guilty pleasure? The thing is, I never feel guilty about pleasure."

"Make sure you tell the people you love that you love them. LOUDLY AND OFTEN. You never know when it might be too late. Live your life."

"The dream is to keep surprising yourself. Never mind the audience."

"For myself, for a long time, maybe, I felt inauthentic or something, I felt like my voice wasn't worth hearing and I think, everyone's voice is worth hearing, so if you've got something to say, say it from the rooftops."

On Connecting With People

I've found that I'm not really that great with connecting with other human beings, which in all honestly can mess a lot of things up, in life, love and personal acceptance; It's hard to understand where you're going if you haven't had interactions with someone else. Above all people need people and I'm no different, however that doesn't help me, because I'm great at talking to people I just don't really need to, which is a serious conflict. I want to know lots of people, I'm interested in personalities and interests and I love adding to the list of people I know (The people who add depth to my story) But I don't have to, I've never had issues with being alone, in fact, I probably prefer it which is something that I love about myself, unfortunately, like every other human, I get lonely after a while and it's necessary to connect. Connections are like vitamins, we can be okay without them for a while but eventually we're going to need a boost to stay at our best.

First of all, the most important thing is to take care of yourself, okay, we can't help anybody else if we're a fragile mess and sometimes to get out of this state we have to just focus on what we need to function properly and connecting with our fellow race is a very specific need in order to be at our best. So, basically, if your trying to find an excuse to force yourself to talk to someone new or to be seen in a group.

 Just keep telling yourself: 

This is for me. 

This is for the people that I love. 

This is for my future relations. 

I can't be an island all the time.

 I can.

 I am able to say the first word.

 I am the master of my own fate.

 I'm going to say "Hi" so that I don't cry myself to sleep tonight. 

Basically, tell yourself anything that you have to in order to make yourself move forward socially, and when I say "Socially" I am using that term loosely, any relation that you have with a person that you didn't know the day before is moving yourself forward "Socially". You can't make a socially weary person a butterfly in a day, a week, a month, and not even in a year. It's hard to move forward but that doesn't mean it's not possible, you're a dynamic person and you have the ability to surprise the people around you, its the one thing us anxiety ridden people have in life; we hold the cards of our life to ourselves so whenever it's convenient or satisfying we can whip out the ace or king that we've been saving for a rainy day and they'll never see it coming. 

Anyway, make it a goal this year, maybe? Try to talk to a new person everyday because the world needs you at your best, you're an important part of the people around you's lives and it's worth taking the time out of the day to think about what you need and if you need human connection then go out and get it, you confident motherfucker! 

BUT....

AND...

Storm

My head feels like there's a storm inside of it, all unpredictable with random flashes of lightning and loud claps of thunder. It's not really a headache, it's just a pain that's worse than the average ache yet in all reality there's no pain, it's kind of hard to describe but believe me, it's there and it keeps me from feeling great, which sucks but thankfully it's temporary, I know that I will probably feel better tomorrow morning with a new day and new life but it keeps me from getting what I need to get done, done. I've got a lot of work to do and very little time to do it in, I can't focus on everything around me, I've got to write and when I think about that, I just get lonelier than I already am, being a person who writes, I have to understand that I'll never truly be completely compatible with the world around me and some days that sounds wonderful and on other days it sounds like hell, today is one of those days.

Bullet-Catcher

Okay, so here's my latest bit of Jorian fanfiction, I hope it doesn't suck to terribly, I just finished it and It's like 1 in the morning but I really just wanted to get something done and posted before I went to bed and that's exactly what I did. Yay me! NOTE: I do not own any of these characters, blah, blah, blah! 

When the situation was reported , John and Dorian were the first to respond and began to make their way to scene. It was dangerous, that was for sure, a maniac with a gun and a death wish and of course they had to be the first ones to get there, It seemed to John that this was happening more and more and he scowled as they drove closer to the commotion, it was late and they were on their way back to their apartment and of course some idiot had to go and ruin their night. Dorian didn't seem nearly as distracted and annoyed with their current situation as he did and looked out the window with his gun ready, completely focused on the task ahead. 

When they arrived, the chaos all around the main building was overwhelming and apparently, John quickly realized, they were dealing with multiple shooters, at the moment he had no idea what their agenda was and focused on neutralizing the threat. 

They both ducked behind the car as a string of shots pummeled the vehicle and John looked at Dorian who was already calculating a path through the bullets in order to get into the building where the both the civilians and most of the assailants were trapped.

“I've found a path, John, follow me and we should be able to take out the ones in front of the door, and then we can probably go in through the fire exits.”

John nodded and then followed closely behind Dorian as they sprinted through the lot, dodging bullets and even some of the civilians who were panicking all around them. Two shots later and John took out the ones in front of the building. He stayed behind Dorian as they made their way to the stairs leading up into the structure, at this point John was thankful for his synthetic leg as it made it much easier to keep up with the DRN. 

Once inside Dorian went straight forward shooting at the suspects with incredible accuracy as John ran to the doors and started rounding up and  leading the people out of the building into the safe hands of the rest of the department who had showed up. MXs were now coming in and helping with the fight. As the officers scanned the rest of the rooms Dorian and John met up in the middle of the room. 

“You O.K?”

He smiled and nodded, however, John still cringed as he glimpsed the holes in Dorian’s shirt that were surrounded by his unique blue blood. Dorian had left the moment and was now talking to one of the MX’s in a voice that suggested that he was less than pleased with its performance, it was late and Dorian’s charge was already beginning to decline making him more emotional and moody. John Chuckled as he continued to nag at the synthetics for not doing a good enough job, it was fun when he wasn't the one being nagged. 

John looked up from the situation around them just in time to see an unknown suspect emerging from a back room, his eyes were crazed and he had a gun pointing directly at Dorian’s back. Without thinking, John grabbed Dorian’s jacket and pulled him out of the way as he heard the gunshot. For a moment, he was quite happy with himself as he looked at his partner unharmed, that is, until he looked down at the blood gushing out of his own stomach. 

He laughed then started to fall but instead of the cold hard ground, that he was so used to experiencing in these situations, he felt Dorian’s arms around him and his partner’s panicked voice that rang through the air, calling for medics then saying his name over and over again. He had to admit that it was strangely comfortable laying there in Dorian’s arms as he drifted in and out of consciousness, he should have been a lot more worried about his own life but he figured that Dorian would take care of that so instead he focused on the bright blue eyes staring intently at him, full of worry and love. 'So much love from a synthetic soul' was the thought that crossed John’s mind as he drifted into unconsciousness.

When he woke up in the hospital he immediately noticed Dorian sitting next to his bed and he reached out, slightly dizzy from the pain meds that they were giving him but instead of the sweet and concerned face of his partner he looked up into the eyes of a pissed off DRN. However, he was to loopy from the morphine to really care that much.

“How long have I been out?”

Dorian continued to glare.

“Too long, John.”

John was beginning to wake up a little more and he slip up on his pillows a little higher so that he could look at Dorian a little closer because he knew for a fact that he wasn't done talking.

“Why did you pull me out of the way of the bullet?”

“Ugh! I don’t know! I guess I didn't want you to get shot.”

“That’s my job, John! I’m here to take the bullets so that you don’t have to!”

John was now sitting up completely despite the pain in his abdomen

“Bullshit! Your job is to solve cases like the rest of us! You’re not just a bullet catcher and I’m not going to treat you like one!”

“You literally said so yourself, John!”

“Yeah well that was before I knew you!”

Dorian stood up angrily and John could see that he still hadn't charged, he paced the room with his hands on his head trying to control his low battery emotions. His voice got much lower than usual.

“I don’t mind, John, Rudy can fix me but there’s no guarantee that the Doctors will be able to save you! I seriously can’t believe you did that, John!”

“Look what do you want me to say?! I’m sorry? I’m sorry that I stopped you from getting shot again? Dorian, I wasn’t thinking, okay, I just reacted automatically to protect my partner! I know it was illogical, or whatever, but I promise you, it was a purely instinctual reaction to prevent harm from coming to someone that I love. I’m not going to apologize for that and you’re not going to make me feel guilty for that, either!”

John slumped back onto his pillows grimacing as the pain started to hit him again, Dorian stood in the doorway looking absolutely shocked. John looked away, normally he was the one to storm off but that wasn't an option this time so he opted just to ignore him, at least until he heard Dorian’s footsteps leaving the room. 

Dorian wasn't back for at least another thirty minutes and by that time John had convinced the nurses to give him more pain medication and he honestly wasn't even bothered by their latest conversation anymore and instead had a goofy grin on his pale face.

“Hey mister moody, how’s it going?”

Dorian smiled for the first time since John had woke up, he was carrying a cup of coffee and he sat down again next to the bed. 

“You got me coffee!”

John reached pathetically for the cup only for Dorian to pull it away from him with a smug look on his face.

“This isn't for you, man. You’re not supposed to have any caffeine for a while.”

“Then why did you get it? You don’t even drink coffee, or anything for that matter!”

“So? Maybe I just wanted to hold a cup of coffee? I know it’s illogical but you’re not going to make me feel guilty for wanting to hold a cup of coffee.”

John’s unfocused eye’s narrowed at his partner.

“You’re evil.”

“I know, I love you too.”

Mind Numbing Numbing-ness

It's Monday, right? Oh, yeah right, it is because there's a new ALMOST HUMAN ON TONIGHT! That's exactly what I told myself when I didn't want to get out of bed this morning, I even made a little Tumblr Blog post about if which I am quite proud of because I thing that it's pretty funny and accurate. I'm mentioning that because I really don't have much to talk about, I mean I've been stuck in the house for three days because of the weather and I had to skip school today, I mean, I'm going a bit loony because when nothing is taking your mind into the present all you're left with is the future and the weeks before and trust me, no good can ever come from delving too deep into either of those. A lot of it's my fault, however, I haven't been writing and nothing keeps you in the present like letter after latter after letter after letter all bundled up on a page so you can express what you couldn't visually. Yeah, I'm not going to lie, I really don't like writing but that doesn't mean that I don't have to it and honestly it's BS that I haven't written for three days, this is all I have to contribute to the world around me and I should be ashamed of myself that I let it go that far. 

Ugh! I've got at least one more day of this! I guess I'll be doing a lot of writing during that time, I mean, I better otherwise these days won't mean much and I don't want that to happen. i'm going to keep this this short because I've got nothing interesting to mention and I don't want to bore you so I'll work on some fiction crap.

And here's two GIFs that describe exactly how I'm feeling and chances are, maybe they'll be perfect for you as well because I think that they fit a lot of  life's situations.